j o e m o n k e y

Old news HERE

L I N K S

12/03/2002 8:15PM

So, being as how the truth is stranger than fiction, I was reading about strange names over at AnandTech's forums, and thought I would share some of these:

Urologist named Cockburn

Female Rabbi named Biatch (in fact the title of her page is Rabbi Biatch!!)

EE Professor named Tits

This one had to be seen to be believed:

There are lots more here, post your fave in the forums!

Warning: This is last update before I archive this one into the "Old News" area!

12/01/2002 9:15PM

OK so finally 2 of my favorite things have come together!!! Technology and tattooing! I mean, a tattoo giving robot... I'm gonna be the first on my block to have one! And apparently kids these days are choosing to stay virgins longer than the last generation...

SO, on to the next crazy fark photoshop contest!! It's a bit different from the previous ones I've posted, because they don't always work from the picture itself, just the idea. This one is based on the following still from the Charlie Brown Christmas Special::

Tthose farkers came up with these comedy gems!

Yeah yeah I know, not the BEST photoshopping jobs... anyway, check out all of them here.

The next photoshopping "theme" is "Toys Your Kids Will Not Be Getting for Christmas" so lets see what they can do with it...

For the rest of them, click here!

12/01/2002 7:30PM

Wow look at this, you guys get TWO updates today! How about I make it a classic update and put up news and then some funny pics? OK then.

Here is where you can check out all the Christmas urban legends, and see which are real or not. Have you heard that Louisville, KY is merging with the entire county? 'Tis going to make it's population triple! Check out the whole story.

Dammit, that's all I have time to do for now, maybe later I'll update again

12/01/2002 2:00PM

Yes, I know I haven't done an update in forever, but this one should be pretty interesting! Found a website for a school where they show you the lunches so you know what you'll be eating. Sounds boring huh? Well check out some of the stuff!

Crazy variety there huh?

What the hell? Half a burger patty on taco shells?

Come on, chicken on a flour tortilla is a FAJITA?

More great variety!

Something missing from this one I believe...

OK this is just WRONG... in fact, I found where someone photoshopped it to make it even worse...

Ham and Cheese Pita becomes...

Thank you and have a great day!

11/13/2002 8:15PM

I feel like I've been neglecting the Joemonkey fans, so this will bea somewhat large update. Enjoy! Or ignore... whatever...

OK so the live chat thing doesn't seem to be going over too well. I don't think I have enough visitors to make it so there are people in there to talk to all the time, and it's one of those things that if there wasn't anyone in there the first time you went in, you probably won't go back. ANYWAY, I'll leave the feature up, and if you are on the forums or something and want to talk to someone w/o using the PMs back and forth, you can just go into the live chat and hang out for as long as ya want. Now on to the fun stuff!

See, this one reason why TV is evil. Of course it doesn't say much for the intelligence of people in general either. Excuse me if I don't feel too sorry for this guy. Hey look, they found the lost arms of the Venus d'Milo!

Here are the new holiday craze toys. Maybe I should pick some up and ebay them? Wish I would have with the Tickle Me Elmo and some of those beanie babies a while back. Here's some more photoshop goodness from good ol' fark! It starts out with this innocent enough picture:

And turns into these!! The rest are here.

But the photoshopping goodies at fark don't stop there. For example, this picture:

Gets turned into some weird shit, like:

The rest of them are here.

Ah hell, why not show one more? Damn fark kicks ass! Since I'm a Lord of the Rings geek, this one rules!

The rest are here

11/09/2002 12:30AM

Check out the newest feature on joemonkey.com, the LIVE CHAT feature!!

11/03/2002 3:30PM

Photoshopping skills are a must if you want to make funny stuff on the 'net these days. I hope some of you have checked out fark by now, and I just found the joy of the pics they put up asking people to photoshop them. For example, This picture of Adam Sandler:

Gets turned into comedy gems such as these:

The rest of the photoshopped wonders are located here, and there are many more pics that are photoshopped on fark's site as well. This set of Adam Sandler ones have got to be one of the funniest, but still not NEAR as funny as the "Porn without the porn" photoshopping contest on Something Awful. Almost makes me want to learn how to do this kinda stuff.

10/30/2002 9:00AM

OK so in China apparently they "pickle" snakes in w/ their liquor and wine as some sort of novelty. So, this was going to happen sooner or later. If you are extremely bored, pop some bubblewrap online. Looks like scary halloween stuff has turned into this crap. Looks like ganja (from the below pic) isn't the only drug Jesus is into. If you're not getting with the times, your cereal may be more technologically advanced than you are.

10/29/2002 7:30PM

What a fucking day... if you care, check out the bitch and moan section of the forums. All I have for you today is this:

oh, and this

eh, may as well throw this one up too

10/28/2002 8:00PM

Bleah, stupid time change and getting dark earlier crap. Here are some stupid pics from consumption junction (as if you couldn't tell)

10/24/2002 10:00PM

Hurry, while it's still available, bid on Hopelessly addicted to eBay Barbie! I need to go to Toronto when this is going on. Why would you give yourself roofies?

Gotta love the idiot drug trafficker stories. Here are some slutty pics of Christina Aguilera. Ever wonder why men and women can't just be friends? Well here's some scientific type crap about it, pretty damn interesting (HINT: click the arrow button at the bottom of the screen to see more). And now the world will end as Mariah Carey begins to cover Def Leppard songs.

10/20/2002 6:00PM

Some Greek scientists have decided that index finger length is proportional to penis length. Glad I have an 18" index finger!!! In case you wanna see a lot of "chicks in bikini" pictures, here ya go. Stuff like this is why I really want to figure out how to make a device that will stab people in the face over the internet. If you're a fan of Elle MacPherson, here is a page w/ 188 pics of her (probably shouldn't view this at work). Someone found out that living a healthy lifestyle is actually bad for blood pressure. I love cats as pets, but I don't think I could go as far as this guy. Once again, all this news was snagged from fark.

10/16/2002 8:15PM

Wow, I suck at updating this page every day... used to be 2+ times a day, now yer lucky to have me update it 2+ times a week! Anyway, check out fark for good news stuff. This is just gonna be a pic update I suppose!

10/14/2002 7:30PM

Well, here is something odd for Joemonkey. In the forums we have been telling a story 3 words at a time. Three words get posted, then it is someone else's turn to post 3 words, and so on. In doing so, a story is formed! The story lasted for about a week or so, and I ended it today so I could post the final result here for all to see. I messed with the spelling and punctuation so it would flow better. It doesn't make a damn bit of sense, but maybe if you are drunk it'll be ok.

It was dark between her breasts, but her necklace of glistening pearls was glistening softly. When she spoke these three words, "Hey smell this!"

I asked "why?"

She said "because it is unlike the usual scent of a bosom."

Stuck to a woman's idea of the perfect vision, she searched for the rather large belt buckle he had gotten on-sale at wal-mart while dodging bullets. From behind him another woman appeared obviously angry about something he did.

"This giant fish... ate my worm, which was small yet large enough to satisfy the giant fish's appetite."

Later that day the fish died. Turns out, the worm was simply full of hooks.

Pearl-necklace girl said "I decided to go on with the nude pictures that daddy took... WHY DADDY, WHY."

And he answered "Shut up Bitch. Your mama told me you liked having your picture rubbed against her own pearl necklace."

"Well, the darkness between my breasts was interrupted by the glowing pearls attached to my thin white neck, so I decided that the flames should continue to heat my loins until they boil."

Before they left, she heard something stirring nearby. She cautiously walked toward the area of the rustling. Suddenly, a chained god jumped from behind, making her pee all over herself extinguishing the loin-fire.

After cleaning herself, removing charred skin, they shared a philosophical debate on being color blind. She looked into his colorless eyes and said, "I have a confession to make. Your chains look heavy and I know they can pull the weight of my fat ass."

It began to grow larger, then it popped, showering seeds of cattail to be fertilized by her pistils.

After chained-god left, then the blood started to rain once again. They ducked for cover underneath a large cover giving device. While under there, she started shivering.

Finally, the coast guard came and found the weed the demon canadians had secretly grown under the cover of hydroponic darkness.

Then, without warning, the world ended.

10/11/2002 6:00PM

OK archived all the other crap to keep the page from becoming so large you modem users start bitching.

since i feel like utter shit, here are some pics and that's all you get... if you missed the puking pumpkin, check out the archives (up there at the top left, where it says Old news HERE is where the old crap is kept...)

Today's pictures were stolen from Consumption Junction. Only go there if you want to see REALLY fucked up shit

Old news HERE